Dec: 30th P.S I Love You
As the holiday season starts to end, the New Year is just around the corner; reality starts to set back in. But I think, why can’t reality be how we all feel and act around the Holidays? Everyone is giving, loving, warm, doing things spontaneously just because “it’s the holidays” I want to try and keep that spirit up even on holiday off-season, who is with me?
Her: “It’s like trying on a pair of shoes that I really want but they just don’t fit”
Him: “Sometimes you should try walking barefoot”
(really think about that^)
We try so hard at times to impress others and get a reaction from someone. What I have noticed lately when you are yourself, not reading or thinking too much into things, that is when the best response comes. Be goofy, talk and talk, say what you want. Holding things back are only going to hinder you in becoming who you are supposed to be. That person, whomever it is, will fall in love with YOU, and all of YOU. Don’t ever sell yourself short for anyone else.
Being home with family and friends that I will have a lifetime, made me realize no matter what I say or do, these people are here to stay, and will love me forever, and I get to be 100% myself. Being newly single, I have been in situations where I have to “play the game” once again.. Why? A. I don’t know how to play and B. I don’t want to play. The whole texting game of when, how, what, should I say this bullcrap is so annoying! I have this this is me, take it or leave it mentality and it shall keep me single forever, or find my perfect prince charming. Don’t get me wrong though, the lessons I have learned from this past break up are life changing.
This was my first love. My heart has been taking a beating, but I have been learning each day how to care for it and nurture it back to health. Accepting being “alone”. It’s hard. Shit. Being home with my family this past week I was forced to not be on the phone every night or during the day talking to that special someone but I felt the need to fill it with conversations with others. It felt weird not sharing daily family stories with that person who cared so much before, but now doesn’t care at all. It’s a hard process to swallow and at the same time I ask how that is even humanly possible to do lol. Everyone is different though I guess. I found myself one night sitting with my 20 year old brother as we were texting people and he was making fun of me and of what I was saying to this guy. He goes: “Dani, this is not like you lol what the hell are you doing? You sound SO dumb hahaha” I sat there and thought to myself, shit, he is right! But already having dug myself into a hole impossible to get out of I just decided to dodge it, embrace the awkwardness and not even try to explain myself as it was already too late lol.
My brother gave me daily insights on my life and how I should live it while I was in Ohio. “If he doesn’t want you he’s gay” “Don’t be so open and overly communicative” “You need to worry about you and not about everyone else” “If he’s not asking you questions he doesn’t care”.. THAT was a big one to me and I started seeing a trend. IF HE IS NOT ASKING YOU QUESTIONS HE DOESN’T CARE… think about that..My 20 year old brother who has never possessed a serious relationship nor has loved someone before had more insight than my therapist. It got me thinking a lot, and in a more simple form. Love is simple, It should be simple. Not saying every guy you text you “love” but everything should be simple, honest and just a good time. No over thinking, complication, miss reading should be happening.
So I guess the point of this is to be yourself. There is no point in stressing on how you come off to someone, if they care for you, they understand and don’t even think twice. You should never have to explain or sell yourself to someone. Don’t try, things happen when they should happen. Smile through everyday being the best you can be and that someone being the best they can be will find you :)